I woke up this morning and it was weird but I knew I had missed something. A quick perusal of my daily Edhat confirmed that I did indeed fail to attend the local PETA rally downtown yesterday. I cannot explain to you folks how completely empty I feel this morning. Did you ever get to work and hang around the coffeemaker in the morning and learn from a co-worker that you missed the latest episode of The Office the night before because your tivo failed to recognize the fact that NBC ran it on a different night to non-compete with American Idol? That's me times ten.
PETA rallies are fun for so many reasons. You get crazy Howard Dean type shrill in any number of different chants. You might get some folks dressing up as the animals they're trying to defend. If you're really lucky you can get a B-list celebrity getting doused with red paint a la Carrie. So try to imagine an amalgamation of these attractions and you've pretty much got Disneyland's Main St. USA, on acid.
So yesterday at the PETA rally I did not attend they were railing against overturned legislation that now allows Californians to import non-endangered kangaroo skins into the country. The PETA folks are hopping mad about this (sorry), obviously, but at least one group is cheering. You guessed it: soccer players. You might have thought that the proponents of the world's most popular sport would be an inviting group of globalists, offering free orange slices to anyone who might venture near the sidelines, but this is an apparent ruse. Soccer players everywhere are being implicated in the mass extermination of Australia's kangaroos, and it won't be long, but mark my words, sooner or later they'll be implicating our greatest sports heroes in this massive conspiracy.
Just remember that you read it here first. If PETA is successful in its bid to save the 'roos, we may have seen the last of these undeniably convenient wheels.
